you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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