just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
