Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
