Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
