I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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