my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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