Umm I'm too high to move.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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