I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
