In the future we'll all be gay
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
