My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
