Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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