I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
