dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
