so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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