I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
