yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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