Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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