I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
