Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
