I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
