I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
