so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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