my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
