I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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