You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
