Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
