Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You are a genius and a whore.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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