Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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