Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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