Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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