you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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