I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
