he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
