so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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