first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
