If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
