Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
