Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
