Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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