Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
