I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
