Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
