i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
