everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
