It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
