you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
