Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
