Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
