wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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