96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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