glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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