i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
