She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
