Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
